This is the official end of the business week. A day many folks like to relax, unwind, have a glass of wine or a beer and spend time with friends and family. Just be…easy. No different for me. Although most of the week, I don’t have to hustle and bustle in the downtown traffic or trudge into some dreary office or other depressing work place, my days are still filled with errands, chores and responsibilities. I look forward to my Fridays too.
But especially this week.
I really needed to decompress from the up and down mood swings. The highs and lows. The moments of angst, personal failing and second guessing. You see on Monday, I got my first book rejection. You might ask how in the hell can I call myself a publisher and then have a book rejected by another publisher? I asked myself the same question. It was disheartening to say the least. Humiliating at worse. But…I had to go through it and I may have to continue to go through it. I told my therapist yesterday that although the preceding days have been a special kind of hell at times, I needed to face and conquer the fear that I’m not good enough. As a writer, as a professional, as a person. This barrage of self-loathing that I fight through on a daily basis has crippled me more times than I care to admit. Years…and I do mean years, have gone by that I just haven’t believed in myself and I’ve procrastinated, and stalled and revised and doubted until my fingers felt numb against the keyboard and my eyes ran dry and weary from staring at the wall or computer screen for too long. Something had to change. I had to change. I had to find a way through it all.
Today. Tonight. This Friday, I celebrate a setback if only for the opportunity to fight back from it. With Alice Smith in my ear and a playlist of inspiration. I open my Word document and get to work. And in the moments between, I laugh, I smile, I cry and I stay inspired.